Have you ever said "I have to ____" or "they need me to ____" Do you ever say "I have to do this" for a chore or something even in your own life? Did you ever say that with things people "need" or want you to do? Do you ever say yes to something and regret it later?
Here's one simple way to hack your boundaries using language - this is a massive tip
I used to do this ALL. The. Time -- "I have to" or "I need to" or "They need me to" -- as if I had no control over my own choice, my own schedule, as if I had no choice in the matter.
Do this one simple thing instead
Change "I have to ___" or "they need me to ___" to simply "I CHOOSE ____"
Even if in the moment I wasn't really choosing, every time I caught myself saying "I have to do this thing" instead I would say "I choose to do this thing" because then it forces the brain to evaluate. It makes you to take a step back. It kicks off an internal check. Do you really want to choose that thing?? Realistically is there time and does it fit into what else needs attention? How does it fit into your current demands on your time and energy? If you really have a choice (which you DO) where will you choose to slot this thing into all the other stuff already scheduled or necessary things?
Does that make sense? Once I started to say "I choose ___" it caused a stepping back, objectively, is this really something I choose?
All that is related to the internal boundaries which is part of the Bulletproof Boundaries Course and it's also available for free on the website. Those internal boundaries and changing that language internally is massive to then impacting external boundaries because every time we say "I have to" or "they need me" to we're taking away our choice and our voice, we're losing touch with our inner self
"I choose to do this errand now" or "I choose to do this chore now" makes big chores and tasks easier because I CHOOSE is empowering
If someone asked me to do a thing because they "needed" something, just changing it to "I choose to do this thing that this person needs" forced my brain to evaluate - OK is this something I really want to choose? Realistically is it even within my capacity to do? Do they really need me or is someone else available? Can they do this thing without me? Honestly is this something I can fit into my current responsibilities and schedule? Is this an absolutely necessary thing or is it just that they want this thing? Either way, when can I choose to do that thing?
It gives you back your choice and your voice in a very gentle way
So try that out and let me know how that works -- if you catch yourself saying "I have to" or "they need me to" or whatever similar sort of language is in your head know you have a choice, change to "I CHOOSE" and let me know how that works for you.
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Learn more · Watch this complimentary video to level up your emotional balance and healing journey TODAY when you learn the concept in this first video of the three part series. If you would like to chat about your healing journey and your next steps, just message me and mention this post.