Selfish is defined as "lacking consideration for others" and real boundaries help us be more considerate of others.
Boundaries protect our mental health and our emotional health. They help us focus on what's most important. Boundaries are the support we need to manage our time and give to others from the heart. Why do I say that?
When we are fully supplied and supported within ourself, when we know our first priorities, when we know what time we realistically have to give to others, then we know exactly how much time and energy we have to give. We can give freely because we know exactly what we have to give.
It's like a budget - when we know our income, we know what we have available to spend. There are times we may decide to buy on credit. Sometimes we may give out of our emotional and mental savings and may even choose a deficit. However, we need to replenish before we give beyond the tipping point. What's the tipping point?
Just like with finances, we can overdraw to the point where it's more difficult to recover. We've over extended ourself far beyond being able to recover and can go bankrupt. For some that means real physical illness. That's what happened to me several times in my life. My body reached the tipping point and crashed.
Some people like caregivers, special needs parents, those who love someone who is emotionally or mentally ill, all have situations beyond their control. Is there a way for these ones to have boundaries? Yes. Knowing our limits we can call in help, look for resources, accept kindness before we reach a tipping point. Rigid boundaries prevent us from letting others in but healthy boundaries allow others in as needed. When our boundaries are not too rigid we know how to ask for help. We're not too proud to reach out. That's healthy boundaries - knowing our own limits and reaching out for help. In my boundaries masterclass we cover that concept in detail as your foundation in the introduction if you'd like to learn more.
Healthy boundaries also build better relationships. We don't overcommit and disappoint others because we have to cancel plans or are always running late. We don't overcommit and run out of energy and patience for our immediate family, loved ones and friends. Good boundaries reduce stress so you can pour out from your heart willingly and freely.
If you're accused of being selfish for having limits does that even make sense? Doesn't every human have limits?
Boundaries exist whether we acknowledge them or not. There are only 24 hours in a day so you have a time boundary and if we overcommit there's no wiggle room. It's going to cost, the time boundary is finite. So it will cost us emotionally or mentally plus take a physical toll. Time, emotional and mental boundaries are three of the six boundary types in my boundaries course where I share how to build balanced, healthy and gentle boundaries that are good for others plus good for ourself. A simple boundary looks like: "I'd be happy to help you on Saturday for 3 hours and must leave by 4pm" and this is one example from my boundaries masterclass. Watch the video at the top of the course detail page here:
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