Relationships
Do some relationships drain you completely? You’re out of energy when engaging with some people? Tired? Worn thin? Exhausted by people? Maybe you just don’t have the right people

Have you ever taken time to decide your personal standards for having a relationship with you?

Relationships for me need to feel safe, genuine, honest, real, meaningful. They allow me freedom to be myself and are nurturing. That is what a real relationship means to me.

What are the "must haves" that make a relationship real for you?

Here's why I have those standards listed above and you may have different criteria. It's all good - they're your standards to have and it's your human right to have them.

Relationship require investment, interacting in the moment, undivided attention, connecting in a real and authentic way. For me that means putting aside technology even if you're using technology to connect. That's real and meaningful to me

If I can speak my truth, have my voice, my feelings and feel free to say no thank you - then to me *that* is a real and authentic relationship. If I can't have those things, if I must twist myself into a pretzel just to please someone who isn't pleased in the end anyway what's the point? What exactly am I holding on to and hoping for? Is it really a relationship? For me personally I need to feel safe enough to be genuine, honest and real

To nurture means to encourage development and growth. Am I free to be me without criticism or fear of mocking? Can I explore my own humanity and soul, follow my interests freely?

For me if I don't have all these things it's not really a relationship. I'm not sure at that point what to call it really

Why not allow others to be free to be who they are and you be you? If that works together then great. If not then allow others their space and freedom to be the human they are and wish to be. Free to choose. Mutual respect as fellow humans even if it's not something I'd like for myself or I choose for myself

It works so much better to walk beside others in their journey through life, support them where we can, cheer them on when needed, let them travel their individual journey instead of either pushing them or pulling them to our wishes.

So what are your standards for having a relationship with you?

This is not judgmental. This isn't about saying that others are wrong and your way is right. This is about what is right for you personally and letting others be who they are, it's about acceptance and freedom actually. My loving creator has unconditional love for humans, making the sun shine on all creatures and provides rain for food. Yet, he has standards for an actual relationship with him. This principle is woven throughout scripture and is just good boundaries. It's my human right to love all humans regardless of whether or not they meet my personal criteria for a relationship with me

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6 Comments

  1. I had been thinking about this topic recently. Ignoring our standards to please someone else has usually not had a good outcome. So thanks for sharing.
    Dee Castelli AUTHOR  06/02/2021 08:34 AM Central
    So glad for your comment and that it was helpful
  2. I’ve wondered that very thing, but didn’t know why. Great to hear an explanation for it.
    Dee Castelli AUTHOR  06/02/2021 09:06 AM Central
    So glad it’s helpful!
  3. Im feel more comfortable talking one on one, compared to a group. I feel a little uncomfortable and keep more quiet. Similar to your expectations and one that allows me a chance to talk as well.
    Dee Castelli AUTHOR  06/02/2021 10:42 AM Central
    That makes sense in a large group
  4. This really makes sense to me. Just like looking for a mate, we also make sure we have same things in common etc. So with friends the same.
    Dee Castelli AUTHOR  06/03/2021 12:59 PM Central
    Very true, yes!
  5. Carolyn Walton-Smith  06/04/2021 08:52 AM Central
    As I looked back in the past only briefly I had to avoid a lot of people. I was the type that wanted to help everyone. But, for me it all went down hill. One failed marriage and now my second marriage is heading for a disaster. Dee this is really deep for me because I always felt that I was right not all the time but mostly. I hurts because no one ever understood me and I allowed a lot to happen when I should of spoke up at times. I really don’t have any more feeling for things now. It is what it is. In the end I always get hurt.
    Dee Castelli AUTHOR  06/04/2021 09:26 AM Central
    Oh my I’m so sorry you’re going through all of that pain and hurt ❤️
  6. Great points. I’ve been recently doing this and it’s soooo freeing!
    Dee Castelli AUTHOR  06/04/2021 05:09 PM Central
    Awesomeness 👏Life is so much better!

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